The Origins of Math

One day, Satan was walking through a forest. He came across a village hidden in the woods, and contained in this village was a happy group of secluded people. Satan then had the great idea to destroy the village and drive the residents insane. And thus, math was created.

            Math ravaged the land. It drove the lesser peasants to insanity and the brave became shriveling piles of madness. Throughout the village everyone spent hours upon hours factoring and slaving over math. One woman sat there as her eyes melted out of her very skull. Another boy sat there as all the knowledge he accrued split his head clean in half. But one day, a hero arose.

            A man found a way to harness the power of math and used it to cast Satan to the depths of hell. He became the hero of the town, teaching the peasants how to math. He became a king among men, and the little village branched out spreading their knowledge to neighboring towns. Everyone was happy and satisfied, and the hero ruled the land with an iron fist, which, for some reason the people liked. Kinky I guess. But that all changed when the fire nation attacked.

            The fire nation really didn’t do much, all they did was introduce letters to math. At first, people rejoiced, I mean, why not use letters? It started out with just ‘a’ and ‘b’ with the occasional ‘c’, but then one small boy used and abused this power. He began adding other letters of the alphabet! Towns were BURNING PEOPLE DYING OH THE HORROR. One lady ran outside and exploded! Just freakin’ exploded out of nowhere! Like, what’s up with that? But anyways, the letters created chaos and ravaged the land. Until a team arose and captured the essence of math, trapping the truly dangerous part of it. Another part still roams, but is deemed safe enough to use and only causes the occasional death of 80 or 90 college students during finals week. So I guess it’s kind of handled. And that, children, is how math came to be.

I Think I'll Write A Story

Once upon a Tim

Pardon me, time.

There was a princess

Now this princess had been roped into the evil scheme of the 'bearded' one, in which people's Tuesday's and Thursday's were sacrificed to the theatrical demigods of TAHT

There also was a prince who would have rescued her and whisked her away to the nearest coffee shop, but alas, he was tied up in politics

And together they faced their trials alone. They lost many hours of sleep to great evils, but fought valiantly in hopes of being reunited.

They communicated every so often, using a peculiar breed of pigeons known as 'textmessage'

The prince hoped to be with the princess to face the perils of the TAHT tyrants, but he was forced to travel to a faraway distant land ruled by a saint by the name of louis.

The princess, however, was steadfast. She remained strong through her trails, and her performance was executed so well, the demigods of TAHT fell from their thrones in awe and died from the fall.

After her victory, which took place on a Saturday, she knew her prince would be arriving upon the eve of the new day. The prince and the princess hoped to be reunited on Sunday, and to forever enjoy their summer together.

The End~

~By Me

Technical the Evil Wizard

Once upon a time there was a – hold it. My default font is set to Calibri. I can’t type like this.

There. Much better.
Once upon a time there was a prince and princess (not related, of course, for that would be weird). The prince was dashing and so handsome, and the princess was – let’s face it – pretty cute too. The prince and princess had received a magical dove of great speed from a fairy. With this dove they could communicate over great distances at any time. The dove’s name was Internet.

One day an evil wizard, named Technical Difficulties, that lived nearby got jealous. The wizard saw how much the prince and princess liked each other, and he grew jealous of the like that they shared. So one day Technical decided to kidnap Internet.

One bleak Monday, the prince and princess were separated in their own castles, when suddenly Technical struck! He snatched away Internet just as she was leaving the prince’s castle. Distressed, the prince sent a message through a magic mirror to the princess telling her of the circumstances. The princess mourned for Internet’s disappearance, for though they could interact in mirrors, they were limited to the number of times they could talk.
For a while, the prince languished about in boredom, with no Internet to keep him occupied. But then he decided to be productive (not that he’s not normally productive). He went out for a ride on his horse, and got all kinds of exercise to look even better the next time he saw the princess. Then he wrote some passages of literature that will endure in the great libraries for years to come.

After he had done these things, he called the princess through the mirror. The princess was still sad for his loss, but then she had a joyous discovery! Internet had returned to her! However, Technical was waiting at the prince’s castle to capture Internet again. So it was decided that the princess could use Internet for the next few days to send messages to the prince, but the prince couldn't send Internet until Technical left his castle. While still sad, the prince occupied himself with writing and other such noble pursuits, the princess with writing to the prince, and both of them looked forward to the following day when they could be together again!

They all lived happily ever after, except Technical, who was burned at the stake.
The end.

~By Meredith Martin

A Letter...

A Letter Addressing Civility

                To my son:

        Hello my boy! I pray that this letter finds you in good health, and that it would answer some of the questions you had asked me when last we met.  You asked me about civility, and what would count one as civil, or uncivil. Well Son, I will tell you, but to tell one an opinion with the bland context simple facts and text would rob it of value. So instead I shall give you comparisons with opinions sprinkled throughout to perhaps enlighten you to form your own opinions.

                Take, for example, aborigines. They all live as a big family and share what they gather with each other. How simply brackish and uncivil! They consider fighting as improper and vile. They never wish to harm each other and make sure no one is left behind. It is difficult to find a group as uncivil as them. As you can see, their values are very uncivil and improper. And you might ask yourself, “What then, would one consider civil?” Well son, it is rather complicated and possibly confusing to some as to what would be considered ‘civil’, but I shall do my best to clarify to the best of my abilities.

                We shall look at the common middle class man. He goes to work each day in his suit, hoping to not appear overdressed, yet out dress each of his coworkers, thus making him more civil than them. He will work hard, but not too hard, lest he be considered a ‘workaholic’, which is considered rather improper. He goes throughout his life trying to cut peoples feet out from under them, without them knowing, as is proper. Some days, someone might have an opinion that differs from him, which is never good for one’s image. He of course will do what is civil and upright immediately, that is to cut them down and humiliate them with as large an audience as possible. People, seeing how civil and well mannered he is, will flock to him and listen to what he has to say. They dare not speak up, lest their ideas be cut down, and instead agree with whatever the man should say, and fight for his approval. Discordance seems to follow the fellow, as is proper, and leads him to climb the tall ladder of life and be seen as a good representative of the community, ever vigilant and civil in his ways. He will then come to the end of his life, and all his ‘Friends’ will attend his funeral, hoping to gain approval of others and too become as civil as the man.

                As you can see my boy, civility is truly the only way to live one’s life. Why, if one were as brash and audacious as to go out of there to help someone, then I fear what our society might become. For change is not healthy, it is only proper for one to remain vigilant and appear well-bred at all times. I hope that this long-winded and educational letter has helped you form your own opinions about civility and what it truly means.

                 I wish you all the luck of the world in times ahead.

~By Me